I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
