Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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