you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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