Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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