ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
