This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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