So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
