dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
