Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
