The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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