It's like God shit irony all over that family
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
