It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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