and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
