i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
