How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
