We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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