You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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