No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
