Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Randomize
