Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
