I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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