I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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