CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
