I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
