She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
