He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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