Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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