you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
