Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
As shirtless as possible
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize