My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just gift wrapped bread.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
