i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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