Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
