physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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