I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
