Moan for me like Helen Keller
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
