i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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