new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
