yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
