Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
