those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
