phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
