she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
