I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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