I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
