john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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