So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
