So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
