Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
