We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
