Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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