Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
