He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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