oh god the rape fog is back!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
