I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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