dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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