after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
