I just made out with a guy for $7.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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