i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
