I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
