Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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