i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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