i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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