Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
