I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
