I'm so fucking centered right now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
